I've always lived my life out loud. By that I mean that I've always been an open book - transparent and honest. It's been a little weird to keep so many secrets for the last few months.
But it's time to start letting people know.
I started small, with this blog, an email, and the people I trust most in the whole world.
Then along the way, I added a few more people here and there, as I felt more certain that this was going to be a permanent situation. Last week, I shared the news with even more people - a group of girlfriends I spend two weekends with each year and have chatted with online for 12+ years - my scrapbooking friends from across the state and beyond. I will be seeing many of them this coming weekend and I didn't want there to be any whispering about "did you hear about Stacy and Darren...", so I decided it was time to share.
Every time someone new finds out, the support I receive overwhelms me. It makes me weep every time, because I am reminded that I AM loved, I AM cherished, I AM loveable, I AM worthy of the promises God has promised me. I haven't yet regretted sharing the news. Everyone reminds me that yes, Darren DID love me, and this is his new truth, but not THE truth. It always helps to hear other people say that.
But now I'm faced with a decision I need help with. Facebook. I've thought all along that I would wait for Darren to change his relationship status before I say anything public, but I'm beginning to rethink that. (His bio currently states that he's been happily married for 19 years. It's been 21. ha)
The boys and I are moving this week. As I continue to share my life, it will become obvious that something has changed. A lot of people know, but obviously not everyone does. Most people don't, actually. I don't want there to be any gossip behind the scenes. I don't want there to be questions - people always assume that the truth is worse than it really is when there are questions. I think I want to state very simply and very frankly what is happening. Maybe something like this:
It is difficult to share this very personal news, but the time has come to let you all know. Facebook seems a rather odd way to share it, but I'd rather you hear it from me than through the grapevine. Darren has decided to divorce me. He doesn't love me anymore, and believes now that he never did. We are working through this very amicably, but it still breaks my heart. The boys and I are moving this week to a rental nearby, and our house will be going on the market very soon. The kids and I are hopeful and joyful in spite of the circumstances - proof that God is real and is walking with us through this heartache. Please hold us in prayer as we transition to this new way of life.
There are a bunch of people who need to know - people who would be hurt to find out later. People are going to be hurt either way, but... I need for them to hear it from me.
Advice, please.
I think that sounds perfect. Just the facts and your own feelings. Straightforward, not accusatory (though you have every right to be).
ReplyDeleteOne suggestion is in addition to the FB post, I think it would be a good idea to cut and paste that post into an e-mail, along with your new address, and e-blast it to most everyone you know. A Facebook announcement is great (I hate the sudden status changes with no information), but there's no way to make sure everyone that needs to sees it on their newsfeed. A friend sent a similar brief mass e-mail a few years ago when she and her dh divorced, and I was thankful to not have to figure it out on my own or stick my foot in my mouth because I didn't know.
ReplyDeleteI think what you wrote is excellent. I would consider cutting "He doesn't love me anymore, and believes now that he never did." While true, it might be more than people are entitled to reading on Facebook.
ReplyDeleteGinger gave you some great advice. I tend to agree with Jackie, too. That one line was the thing that didn't sit well with me when I read it. Not because it isn't true or because you shouldn't ever say it, but because it just might be more information that many of your Facebook friends and e-blast contacts need? I don't know. Just my initial thoughts on it. Otherwise, I totally agree with Ginger, that telling people in this way will help them avoid saying something hurtful unknowingly and will hopefully nip gossip in the bud as much as possible. hugs.
ReplyDeleteI think it is perfect. While for some that sentence will be more than they need most will appreciate the reason. Might help curb some of the questioning
ReplyDeleteCara
I agree with maybe getting rid of that one sentence, honestly the reason behind the split is really noone's business, but if they need to know they will reach out to you in a private manner, and then you can decide what you reveal, anyone who knows you and loves you doesn't need the sticky details..
ReplyDeleteKaren K
YOU ARE CHERISHED!
ReplyDeleteYOU ARE LOVED!
YOU ARE LOVEABLE!
YOU ARE WORTHY OF GOD'S PROMISES!
And at any time, you think otherwise, you just stand tall and tell the Devil, in the name of Jesus, to go to hell!!