Can't sleep.
I'm struggling with the feeling that this is so unfair, and that I don't deserve it.
Remembering that God never promised fair.
I'm struggling with the idea that Darren continues to go about his days and life as though nothing's changed between us. Remembering that for him, nothing *has* changed.
I'm struggling with the fear that I might be unloveable after all.
Remembering that Satan wants me to believe that, but God tells me otherwise, and I will believe God.
I'm struggling with my inability to fix this. How do you fight for what's not there?
Remembering to be still and let God.
I wish I could sleep. I'm so tired.
I hope you're sleeping now. <3
ReplyDeleteI tried to post this yesterday but it disappeared into the www! I was reading this passage and thought of you immediately and prayed fervently at that moment and still. Grab this truth. Know it. Believe it. You are loveable because the God of the universe knit you together and loves you. I just ache for all the hurt I know you are suffering. But you must know...you MUST know that your value and worth come from the eternal God. The creator. The lover of your Soul. I love you, too. If that makes any difference at all. <3
ReplyDeletePsalm 139
1 O LORD, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
2 You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
3 You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
4 You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, LORD.
5 You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!
7 I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
8 If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave,[a] you are there.
9 If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
11 I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
12 but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
17 How precious are your thoughts about me,[b] O God.
They cannot be numbered!
18 I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!
19 O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
Get out of my life, you murderers!
20 They blaspheme you;
your enemies misuse your name.
21 O LORD, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?
Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?
22 Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
for your enemies are my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.