all nighter

The boys went to bed, Dani went home, and Darren and I sat down to talk.
Day 40 had come and gone.

He told me that he wants to move out. He feels that separation is our only hope. He believes that he brings out the worst in me, and me in him, and that we can't continue to live together. He alleged that our parenting suffers because of it. He said he doesn't yet know what he wants, but that maybe being away from me will give him some clarity. He doesn't know if he wants to spend this time apart working toward divorce or reconciliation.

I could've argued every point he made, but I just let it go. I felt numb. I asked him when he was moving out, and he said he didn't have time to think about it this week, but maybe by next weekend he'd have a better idea and would know where he was going. I asked if we could pray, but he said he was too tired and that maybe we could pray in the morning. Then he asked me to let him sleep in.

The night lasted forever. I slept in 10-minute increments. Mostly, I thought. I prayed a lot. I did not want to give him 10 days to get his shizz together. He's already checked out emotionally. He's mostly checked out physically as well, retreating to the guest room so often. Now he's ready to make it official. Fine. But why does he get to do it on his terms and when it's convenient for him?

No. Absolutely not. He doesn't get that luxury. I wrestled all night with this. If he wants to go, he has to go now, not in ten days. I will force him out. I've got to lay down some boundaries. I've acquiesced enough for the sake of this marriage. It's time to consider my needs and guard my heart and protect my kids from more heartache than they should have to bear. Another ten days? No.

But is that Godly? Is that loving?

Yes.
It was time to take a stand. I waited for morning.