telling the story

Last Monday, I received two emails. They were vastly different in tone and perspective.

The first one, forwarded through a friend, by someone who's never met me:

If you talk with [Stacy], I would encourage her to stop publicly talking about her marriage on a blog. I realize it's an outlet and she needs encouragement, but it's really dishonoring to her husband and adding many unnecessary and negative voices to their journey. Not to mention, it's another door for satan. Just thinking outloud.

Then within 10 minutes, this one, from a guy friend who knows my heart, and knows Darren:

I hope writing the blog is therapeutic for you. You write so well and those who read it will be able to know what to pray for and be encouraged and convicted about their own marriages. That's called ministry. Keep doing it. God is love. Yes He hates divorce, but that is because He hates to see His children hurting. His love for you cannot be measured. Keep pressing in. Grace, sb

I have prayed a lot about this. In fact, I was silent for a week (blogwise), waiting for a word from God about it. And now I have a few things to say:

1. This is not a public blog. It's well hidden. Only people I implicitly trust to pray for us and give me good advice have been invited to read it. I've also allowed those people to invite other people to read it, but asked that they be discerning about who they invite. I'll admit that I rethought that stance a million times this past week. But I stand by it. Sometimes what I need to hear is not what I want to hear. I want to be open to God's voice, and if that needs to come via someone who doesn't know me, then I want to make that pathway available and open.

2. My friends' thoughts are not my thoughts. Well, sometimes they are. HA! Just Friday, Karen offered to punch Darren in the face for me, and I thought that sounded about right and fitting. Sure, my friends have railed against Darren in their comments. I will not censor them. I know that each person I've invited here loves Darren and loves me, and loves God. We are human. We tend to rally around those who've been wounded or wronged or are just plain weak for whatever reason. But  - and my friends know this - I am not a lemming. If my friends hate Darren today, I won't jump on that bandwagon just because they're having a grand ol' time on it. I am listening to God's voice, and He is helping me weed out the chaff.

3. I have always written about God's presence in my life. It's what I do. I will not stop writing because the story turned ugly. Unless He tells me to. So far, all I keep hearing is, "Tell this. Tell it now. You've missed telling so many of my stories, how will you ever catch up? I am real. I am here. Tell the world how much I love you."

From the writer David, in Psalm 78:

¹ My people, listen to my teaching; 

       listen to what I say.
 ² I will speak using stories; 

       I will tell secret things from long ago.
 ³ We have heard them and known them 
       by what our ancestors have told us.
 ⁴ We will not keep them from our children; 

       we will tell those who come later 
       about the praises of the Lord. 
    We will tell about his power 
       and the miracles he has done. 

 ⁵ The Lord made an agreement with Jacob 
       and gave the teachings to Israel, 
    which he commanded our ancestors 
       to teach to their children. 
 ⁶ Then their children would know them, 
       even their children not yet born. 
       And they would tell their children.
 ⁷ So they would all trust God 
       and would not forget what he had done 
       but would obey his commands.
 ⁸ They would not be like their ancestors 
       who were stubborn and disobedient. 
    Their hearts were not loyal to God, 

       and they were not true to him.