The lawyer explained that he sees many marriages restored during the process of divorce, and that sometimes it takes dragging the unwilling spouse into the pit of the process to make them see the light. Divorce scares the bejeebies out of people when what they stand to lose is put in their face. He encouraged me to file. He STRONGLY encouraged me to file. In fact, he was almost a bully about it. He said, "I've only asked you a few questions, and already I can tell that your husband is lazy and apathetic. He lacks ambition. He hasn't changed in 21 years. He won't change now. He hasn't changed after 40 days of praying for change, so he won't change. What are you waiting for? You need to file papers." He pretty much pissed me off. Of all people, shouldn't a LAWYER realize that there are two sides to every story? How could he be so quick to judge Darren and his personality? I told him that I wouldn't file, because I don't WANT a divorce - I just want to be prepared when and if Darren has me served with papers. He asked why I'm being so stubborn about it. I said, "It would feel like failure." He looked at me and raised an eyebrow. I continued, "I've never failed at anything. When I put my mind to something, I always succeed. Always. I've put my mind to loving my husband. Filing would be failure."
"That sounds an awful lot like pride to me," he mused. Then he explained all the ways I haven't failed, and completely dismissed my whole "failure" stance. I knew he was right. Then he said he was going to leave the room to make a phone call and give me some time to think about it.
Immediately, I checked my phone because I'd heard several text messages come in. They were from Terri, and one was a pic of beautiful, brightly colored daisies. GORGEOUS.
T: You got flowers!
Me: Shut up. From whom??
Me: (still at atty office. he stepped out for a minute)
T: Not Dani cause I asked
Me: Look at the card
T: "The world is a brighter place because of you. You are love d!"
Me: No name??
T: Just says "d". I'll take a pic of the card.
Me: "D". Surely not Darren.
T: ??????
T: (sends pic)
Me: Oh. You are loved. It's not an initial.
T: I read it as "You are love - d". But maybe you're right.
Me: Yeah. The D just dropped to the next line.
Me: Gotta be Ginger. Or Elaine. Or Jake and Abbie.
T: It wasn't me. I should have but I didn't think about it. Bad friend. :(
I went back to the office and posted on FB:
50-odd "likes", and 18 comments later, I felt amazingly loved and cherished.
Heather: "I agree with whoever (or is it whomever?) sent these!"
Nancy: "awesome"
Laura: "Beautiful. You surely deserve them."
Elaine: "What Nancy said."
Amy: "That is awesome! You deserve beauty in your world."
Mom: "Ditto what everybody said. And it wasn't me...just so you can eliminate one name from your "wonder who it is " list. They are beautiful!
Kim: BeeYUtiFul!
George: Makes me wish I'd have sent them. Kudos to whoever did.
MJ: Sweet!
Duane: You're welcome... just kidding
KarenP: I agree with the card sentiment. Aren't they beautiful!
Corkie: I didn't send them, but I wish I did. The card says it all!
KarenK: Can't think of a better person to receive something like that - you deserve them, beautiful Stacy!
KarenM-K: Man I wish I had sent them... why can't I be as cool as whoever did...you make life gorgeous!
Kent: They nailed it. You live your life trying to make the world a better place. It is an honor to know you.
Angela: They're right....
Cheryl: Well I can't take credit, but you ARE loved!
Twelve of the 18 responders have no idea what is going on in my marriage right now, so I know they weren't just "sympathy" pats.
God is so creative in the ways He reminds me that I am not defined by Darren's unlove for me.
He uses dogs, flowers, friends and even mere acquaintances to do His work. They don't even know they're being used. God is so cool, man!
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