It struck me tonight that it would take a miracle for my husband to love me. A miracle. For my husband. To love me. That is messed up. I haven't been a perfect wife, but I've loved him, doted on him, bragged on him, stroked his ego, catered to him, respected him. And it would take a miracle for him to love me??
Tonight he told me he's really terribly sorry for hurting me.
I might have believed him except that he refused to talk to me after that.
Im not praying for a miracle anymore.
I'm done.
I pray that he remembers that he already loves you. He is being a fool, and I pray that God would humble him and open his eyes.
ReplyDeleteI pray for rest and peace for you and the renewal of your spirit. Love you.
Don't give up Stacy, not until (if) Darren does, that's Satan at work. He is sorry for hurting you, it's probably out of shame as much as out of compassion. That shame makes it hard for him to face you, its a reminder of his failings. You'll know the miracle has happened when he can humbly face his shame. Not facing his shame is what "not loving" you is all about, as I've said before, that lie makes him less of a monster to himself.
ReplyDeletePraying for your strength and gentleness.
I think Chris is completely right. He can't face his own shame. He uses this "I never loved you" lie to rationalize his bad behavior. It is sad.
ReplyDeleteI think you are right to make him have to pull the plug. It seems like he's trying to make you so miserable that you'll ask for a divorce. This let's him off the hook.
I'm guessing he hasn't found a way to rationalize requesting the divorce. The "God is telling me to divorce you" logic probably didn't compute in his smart little head. This inability for him to be the one to end it gives God time to change his heart.
Hang in there. You're an incredible woman. God is real and working in your life.